Bluey, Part II: Cricket
You are about to witness the extent of my cricket knowledge
Before you start, click here to enjoy the Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer track from whence we take our subheading. Here’s Bluey Part I.
Let me warn you that this week is almost all digression. If you actually want a children’s TV recommendation, Spirit Rangers is on Netflix. The songs go hard, it contains just enough peril that they’re enthralled but not upset, and the messages are subtle but great. I will talk about it at length at some point in future, but for now, a new series just dropped, so go check it out. Now I (and some friends, shout out as ever to Tom Phillips for editing) will talk about one episode of Bluey for 1500 words, don’t forget to like and subscribe 😉
Silly Point
In ‘Cricket,’ Bandit tells the story of Rusty, the tenacious Red Kelpie, and his epic cricket skills, leading up to him walking out to bat for Australia. In a neighbourhood game, the various dads try to get him out, but to no avail; he graciously lets everyone head off for lunch by giving his sister a catch. It’s a favourite of mine for several reasons, which I will now relate. I am going to put Pete’s fan theory first (Pete is my husband, not a Bluey character), because it makes total sense, then proceed in increasing order of randomness.
The voiceover is full of details that Bandit would not know in the normal course of things and that he specifically says "we" didn't know at the time. Which could be unusual laziness (unlikely for Joe Brumm)... but it could also be that it’s a future TV documentary where Bandit is telling his "That time we tried to get a future cricket legend out" story, and that makes things that would normally be flaws (jumping about, narrator with an unclear source of knowledge) into things that reinforce the atmosphere.
I mean this is actually a great take for his first unwitting step into the Bluey commentator-verse…. It definitely does feel like a sports documentary. In fact, the whole episode references a lot of legendary Australian cricketers – sports writer Jarrod Kimber has done an absolutely beautiful write-up of this, complete with GIFs galore, so go and read his version, it’s a million times better than anything I could do on this subject.
(At this point I will admit I only knew about Don Bradman because, back when I was in an anonymous corporate flat for a month having moved jobs abroad, I used to enjoy watching random documentaries in my strange soulless little living room. One day I watched a whole documentary about the Bodyline Tour and… let me tell you fellow Brits, we are NOT the good guys 😬 Here’s an extremely short primer.
Also, since it’s diversion week, and you probably all watch the credits, did you know the Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s PO number is 9994... the same as Bradman’s test average of 99.94)
Long Off
I guess this referencing of sporting legends is part of what makes this episode so special. A lot of Bluey is set in the day-to-day reality of childhood – playing “shadowlands,” taking turns, negotiating the world of play at Calypso’s, staring at a bug in the garden for minutes that seem like hours. ‘Cricket’ is about the wider world, growing up, and makes parents get all ~eMoTionAl~ because when you’re in the coal mines of making packed lunches and finding other people’s shoes, it’s hard to see the bigger picture of “what will they do one day?” So thinking about that for seven minutes is actually pretty mind-blowing.
The next reason I love it is because at the end, we see a future Rusty walking out to bat for Australia, but it’s not just any stadium. Because Bluey is so Brisbane-centric, it must be the Gabba (also known as the Gabbatoir, because England haven’t won there since 1986). In my day job as a copywriter, I do a fair bit of work for Schréder, a Belgian lighting company who’ve lit plenty of stadiums…. including The Gabba. Here’s a nice chat with the guy who put up the floodlights. He was an absolute delight to talk to. (Yes, of course, I checked with them before sharing it. Get in touch if you want to hire me.)
(Editor’s note: I agree, it’s definitely The Gabba we see on screen. You can practically hear the sound of a leather ball getting intimately familiar with Rory Burns’ leg stump. But here’s an interesting thing: at the time this episode was produced and broadcast, The Gabba was scheduled for demolition. It was going to be torn down in 2026, replaced with an entirely different stadium to host the 2032 Olympics. Future Rusty could never have walked out there to wield his square cut, because the stadium would be a memory long before then. Except… this March, nine months after ‘Cricket’ was first aired, the plan to demolish The Gabba was scrapped. Did Bluey… save the venue? Did the production team just somehow KNOW that it would still be standing when Rusty got his baggy green? What eldritch power does Bluey wield? Inquiring minds, etc.)
Deep Cover
Now we’re deep into diversion territory, so let’s go deeper, like my preferred fielding position (ideally back in the clubhouse with a cold one). As Jarrod points out in his excellent resumé:
But the important thing here is that the Bluey episode is not going to be watched just now, as a one-off, like most TV shows for adults, are. It will be watched millions of times for the next decade. If Bluey continues to grow as it is, then that will be even more. Especially if it reaches new markets. So cricket will have perhaps one the greatest bits of promotion ever made about it, being force-fed to kids aged 4-8 for a decade.
I mean surely this makes it time for cricket to take off in the US. There’s basically a whole generation of little people looking up at their moms and dads going “what’s this funny baseball with three sticks.” (Editor’s note: exquisite timing, given that the USA’s co-hosting the T20 World Cup next month alongside the West Indies. Bluey’s prepared the ground brilliantly. Fun fact: the first match of the tournament is in Dallas, between the US and Canada, which is delightful because they were the teams who played history’s first ever international cricket match in 1844. I love this for the resonant symbolism of the fixture; I also kind of hate it, because I’d been saving up “which teams played the first international cricket match?” as an obscure bit of knowledge that would make me the hero of some future pub quiz, and now loads more people will know it. Sorry, I’ll shut up now.)
I don’t know what an American version of Test Match Special – sorry, Coors Light Test Match Ultimate Spin Powerball Special – would look or sound like, but I do know that it should involve my friend Erik Petersen. Seriously, someone should get him to talk/write about cricket, he has a voice like syrup melting on pancakes, and I would absolutely listen to him commentate the T20. Full disclosure, he was best man at our wedding, and (almost) stole the show with a speech about watching some cricket match in Amsterdam. My memory is a little fuzzy (LOL) so I asked him for the details:
The cricket tournament in Amsterdam was the NatWest Pro40, a 40-over domestic English competition that hasn't existed for more than a decade and that the Netherlands were for some reason invited to play in. It was without a doubt the single most preposterous cricket competition anyone could think to travel to. Also, because I clearly hear you asking for more useless NatWest Pro40 trivia, there was one other non-county side in the competition. It was made up of English players who were left unsigned by the county clubs; the side was called - I am not making this up - the Unicorns.
Over, not Out
Finally, I just like cricket. The Bluey episode would arguably be just as evocative if it were called ‘Tennis,’ the flashbacks were Rod Laver, Evonne Goolagong and Nick Kyrgios, and we end up with Rusty at Melbourne Park. But would it make me the emotional wreck that I am every time I see it if it were? No, because cricket got me through a very miserable time a decade ago.
Cast your mind back to the summer of 2013: ‘Get Lucky’ is being played everywhere… Britney has foolishly decided to collaborate with Will.i.am… David Cameron (twat) is Prime Minister… I had just split up with a guy I was pretty convinced I was going to marry, my bestie who was going through an even worse time came to live with me but we just sat inside watching ‘Mad Men’ and drinking Belgian lager, and I had spent all my money on going to weddings. It was not a happy time chez Robinson. I needed a hobby and found… cricket.
Royal Brussels Cricket Club has the most beautiful grounds, just outside Waterloo, just look at them. “Women’s cricket in Belgium” doesn't have an obvious participant profile, but they were an awesome bunch. Antitrust lawyers, logistics experts, people who make the regulations for Air Traffic Control… they were interesting, new people, from all over the world. They didn’t want to wallow in my misery, they just wanted to get fours against Luxembourg and have a cheeky Duvel after training. For a couple of hours, twice a week, we’d pile into a Cambio car, drive through the bougie suburbs of BXL, and throw balls at each other.
As for the actual cricket, I was terrible. Absolutely awful at it. I can’t catch to save my life. Please do not ask me which of the lines you’re meant to stay behind when you’re bowling. I can’t remember. But the fresh air and running round in circles helped heal my broken heart like nothing else. So thank you, cricket, for making 2013 the best worst summer of my life. And thank you, Bluey, for reminding me.